Eughghghghghghghh
Today's Saturday.
It seems to be slightly cooler now, but it's still incredibly hot. My face is still drenched all day long. I still feel the first drip of sweat run all the way down my back by 9:30. It only gets grosser from there. I won't go into details.
I've been feeling like an outsider lately, ever since the "hair recommendation" incident. I'm so self-conscious, and I feel like everyone I work with doesn't know what to do with me. My clothes are slightly off. I wish I could blend in. I also really wish I could speak Hindi. Most of the time I'm in the slum, I sit quietly since I can't understand what anyone's saying. Later, the Health Promoters accuse me of being shy and demand that I talk more. Which I understand, but I'm trying not to be an asshole by interrupting their discussions. I'll work on being more social.
The Health Promoters also say I'm going to be part of DIR's cultural event, and I need to learn the dance they're going to do. Sounds like an embarrassing experience for me, but it might be pretty cool.
I don't have a whole lot to do on the weekends, which is bad for my productivity, but I'm also dreading going back to work on Monday. I'll be starting full days then (not just 9-1 like I've been doing). I've been upgraded to an entire day to feel horrible about myself! Great.
I'll write more later. I'm too worn down right now.
Read your posts up to this point Halisia. Love them! Love you! You're doing it Halisia, you're doing it.
ReplyDeleteSorry that some of what you're experiencing is awkward and painful but I don't know how we learn to be our best and true selves and compassionate beings without these kinds of experiences. Thanks for being self aware. Thanks for caring for others. I feel sure that will reap much benefit from this adventure that you are on.
Keep going Halisia! I bet you already know this, but try to not get attached to unpleasant thoughts and worried; everything can change in an instant. Sending you love and believe it or not I am totally jealous of you.